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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24482323">Only Good Thoughts</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/soupstarsandsilence/pseuds/soupstarsandsilence'>soupstarsandsilence</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Janus is a good friend, Kid!Roman, Logan is a good dad, Patton is a good Dad, Remus gets a hug, Remus needs a hug, Roman is a Good Brother, Virgil is only mentioned he doesn't actually have any lines, kid!Janus, kid!Remus, kid!virgil</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:33:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,062</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24482323</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/soupstarsandsilence/pseuds/soupstarsandsilence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus starts to distance himself from the other Sides for fear of hurting them with his Bad Thoughts. Soon, though, the others notice his sadness, and are quick to assure him that his thoughts don't make him bad, and that they'll always love him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>150</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Only Good Thoughts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>x vaguely based on a prompt - "all I want is a fic where creativitwins are like, say, 5 years old, and Remus is devastated because no one will give him attention like they give to his brother." </p><p>x please let me know if you find editing errors.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus sat on the couch and watched Roman cackle with joy as Patton chased him around the living room. The moral Side caught him, and tickled his stomach, and Roman howled with laughter. A few metres away, on the other couch, Virgil and Janus sat quietly in Logan’s lap as the logical Side read them a book on the solar system. Virgil’s eyes were alight with wonder, so far from his usual permanently fearful gaze, and Janus was sucking up the new knowledge like <em>a black hole sucking—</em></p><p>No. No, Remus, those are Bad Thoughts.</p><p>Patton said so.</p><p>You have Bad Thoughts. That’s why no one will play with you.</p><p>Remus sighed, and stared at the wall, and let his Bad Thoughts wander.</p>
<hr/><p>Patton was a big believer in the power of second cookies.</p><p>While playing earlier that afternoon, Roman had stubbed his toe on the coffee table. Obviously, everyone was very quick to console him. The perfect prince was injured! Rome has surely fallen to its knees. Remus went to hug his brother, and reassure him like the others were doing, but Logan had given him a <em>look</em>, and told him not to bother Roman when he was already upset.</p><p>Remus frowned, but walked away.</p><p>After dinner that night, Patton gave Roman a second cookie for being so brave.</p><p>As the others were preparing for movie night, Remus left his half-eaten cookie on the table, and quietly snuck away to his bedroom.</p>
<hr/><p>Remus like the Imagination.</p><p>That was to be expected, however, given that he was (the Bad) half of Creativity.</p><p>Specifically, however, he liked the Imagination at night. Late at night, when the others were asleep, and wouldn’t mind if he let his Bad Thoughts out to play for a while. He created Askir, a Cerberus with glowing green eyes and razor-sharp teeth, and went on an adventure.</p><p>His tiny five-year-old body would have likely been little match for hoards of zombies and brain-sucking aliens in real life, but this was the Imagination, and in the Imagination, Remus made the rules.</p><p>At least, so long as Roman wasn’t around.</p><p>Remus conjured a Morningstar – His favourite weapon – and went about slaughtering zombies while Askir ripped the aliens to bloody shreds. It was bloody and scary and <em>awesome.</em></p><p>(And Bad.)</p><p>Soon, though, he grew tired. He wiped the evidence of his adventure clean – No need to freak Roman out when he woke up – and made his way back to his room.</p>
<hr/><p>Patton, Logan, Roman, Janus and Virgil were doing a puzzle together. Remus sat on the couch, and daydreamed about Dr. Brown Bear eating Peppa Pig. He thought it was a pretty entertaining fantasy, but he knew far too well by now that the others definitely wouldn’t agree.</p><p>He sighed quietly, and tried not to make it obvious that he was lonely, and tired, and bored out of his mind. The others wouldn’t care, he knew. They all much, much, <em>much </em>preferred Roman over him.</p><p>It was okay, though, really! Remus didn’t much like himself either.</p><p>He was Bad Creativity. He had Bad Thoughts that were too loud, and too violent, and too—too—</p><p>Different.</p><p>He was just too <em>different, </em>wasn’t he?</p><p>Janus looked up from the piece he was placing, and frowned thoughtfully as he watched Remus struggle to not fall asleep.</p>
<hr/><p>Remus sat on the couch and sipped from the cup of warm milk that Patton had given him. He watched silently as Simba pranced around on screen, happily singing <em>‘Hakuna Matata’. </em>Internally, he was rewriting the lyrics into something far more (inappropriate) interesting. Roman was enthusiastically belting out the real lyrics, hands waving dramatically around him. Virgil giggled, and Patton hummed along.</p><p>Janus watched Remus.</p>
<hr/><p>Remus’ chest tingled in a very unpleasant way. It was like butterflies and ants were crawling over his heart, eating at the muscle, and sucking up the blood. It <em>hurt, </em>but not in the way it hurts when you’re <em>physically </em>hurt, it was like—like—</p><p><em>Like butterflies and ants</em>—</p><p>Stop it.</p><p>Remus shuddered and curled in on himself.</p>
<hr/><p>Remus distanced himself even further the following day, and it was only then that Sides other than Janus took notice. Remus wandered into the kitchen for breakfast, grabbed a banana, and quickly left again, mumbling about still being tired as he went. Logan and Janus watched him go.</p><p>Janus noticed Logan noticing, and decided it was time for him to speak up.</p><p>After breakfast, Janus walked up to Logan as the Side was settling on the couch to make a schedule for Thomas.</p><p>“Um, Logi?” Janus asked hesitantly.</p><p>“Yes, Janus? What can I do for you?” Logan raised an eyebrow, and Janus swallowed.</p><p>“Um, I wanna talk to you in private. ‘bout, um… ‘bout Remus.”</p><p>“Oh… Alright.”</p><p>The two left Patton, Roman and Virgil to their colouring, and walked into the kitchen for their private discussion.</p>
<hr/><p>After promising to find out what was wrong with Remus, and sending Janus back to the lounge, Logan took a moment to quietly berate himself for not paying enough attention to the green Side’s plight. According to Janus, Remus had been acting distant and sad for almost a week.</p><p>Now that Logan thought about it, he noticed the lack of Remus-inspired chaos that usually livened up the Mind Palace. Remus had missed one of the two movie nights they’d had, and hadn’t said or done <em>anything </em>during the second one. Logan knew Remus loved to cackle at the sad parts of the movies, and rewrite the songs with crude lyrics that made Roman gasp, and Patton cover Virgil’s ears.</p><p>He hadn’t insisted on adding seaweed to his pancakes, or bleach to his milk. All the attention-demanding antics that Remus was so known for had been completely absent.</p><p>This was incredibly concerning.</p>
<hr/><p>Patton was a big believer in the power of second cookies.</p><p>He nearly cried when Logan explained to him what he and Janus had noticed. Patton knew exactly when Remus’ self-isolation started, and he knew what had caused it.</p><p>It was <em>his fault. </em>He had told Remus to keep his scary thoughts to himself. He had only meant around Virgil, who often got upset when hearing such things, but Remus must have taken it to mean <em>all the time. </em>He must think that Patton <em>hated him! </em></p><p>Patton’s hand shook as he reached for the cookie dough, and he angrily scrubbed at his eyes to rid them of their tears. Now was <em>not </em>the time for crying. He was going to make choc-chili-mint cookies – Remus’ favourite – and then he was going to <em>apologise </em>for making him feel so alone.</p><p>Logan was putting the kids down for their afternoon nap, and once the cookies were done, he would go fetch Remus. Patton knew Remus wasn’t ordinarily a huge fan of afternoon nap time, and with all the sleeping and quietly laying about he had been doing recently, Patton didn’t think another nap would make much of a difference.</p><p>He put the cookies in the oven, and sat down to wait.</p>
<hr/><p>Remus had awoken to someone stroking his hair, and the soft, rhythmic sensation nearly sent him back to sleep. A quiet chuckle had him blearily opening his eyes, though, and his gaze slowly focused on Logan. Logan gently smiled down at him, and if he hadn’t been so tired, Remus would have frowned in confusion. No one ever looked at him <em>like that. </em>Like they <em>loved him. </em></p><p>“Logi…?”</p><p>Some of his thoughts must have shown on his face, or maybe he’d accidentally projected them – that happened sometimes (and made Virgil and Roman upset) – because Logan looked shocked and incredibly sad for a moment, before he blinked, and the expression was gone.</p><p>“Can you come sit in the lounge with me for a little while? Patton and I want to talk to you about some things.”</p><p>Remus’ heartrate picked up <em>immediately </em>at that. They wanted to talk to him? About what? Did he do something wrong? But he had been so quiet and stayed out their way and everything! What if they were sending him away? What if—!?</p><p>“Remus,” Logan murmured. At some point he had pulled Remus into his lap, and was hugging him tightly. “Remus, breathe.” Remus took in a shaky breath. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Remus, I promise. Patton and I have noticed that you haven’t seemed very happy lately, and we just want to make sure you’re okay.”</p><p>Remus trembled. “I’m fine,” he whispered.</p><p>(He wasn’t fine. His heart hurt, and he was always tired, and he missed playing with Roman, but he was <em>so scared </em>of hurting him with his Bad Thoughts, and he tried to block them out, but it didn’t work, and he didn’t know what to do.)</p><p>Logan rubbed his back in slow, soothing circles. “Nonetheless, we would like to talk to you. Patton made cookies and hot chocolate. Will that help convince you?”</p><p>Remus thought for a long moment. Logan was offering him cookies and hot chocolate when everyone else was asleep (it must be poisoned they’re trying to kill you—No! Bad Thoughts!). He looked down at his lap, and fiddled with the edge of his blanket. “…Okay.”</p><p>Logan smiled, and kissed his forehead. “Thank you, Remus.” Logan stood up, and gently set Remus on his hip. Remus leaned his head on Logan and closed his eyes, sighing quietly. They set off towards the lounge, where Patton was waiting with cookies and hot chocolate.</p>
<hr/><p>They talked for a long time, at least by Remus’ standards.</p><p>He nibbled on a cookie, and spoke quietly about how repressing his Bad Thoughts made him so tired, and how he was scared, and lonely, and his heart hurt. He cried when he asked if they hated him, if they thought Roman was better than him, and cried harder when they assured him they didn’t.</p><p>Patton apologised for upsetting him, and told him his thoughts weren’t Bad. They were interesting and unique, and Thomas would certainly like to use some of them when he got a little older. Both Patton and Logan assured Remus that if his thoughts were bothering him, he could talk to them, and they would help. They told him that he shouldn’t repress them – That he should get them out, through writing, or drawing, or talking with them instead. They would listen to him. They loved him, and wanted him to be safe and happy.</p><p>Remus didn’t know what to do with that knowledge.</p><p>Patton cajoled him into drinking his hot chocolate and eating three cookies, and by the end of it, Remus felt a little better. His heart hurt less, and he felt a bit more awake. He wasn’t so scared and uncertain of everything.</p><p>Nonetheless, by the end of it, he still ended up falling asleep in Logan’s lap.</p>
<hr/><p>Patton cleaned up the cups, put the remaining cookies in the fridge, and went to wake up the other kids. He quietly told Roman that Remus was feeling down, and that he would appreciate someone playing with him for a while. Roman was upset, hearing that his brother was upset, but quickly grew determined to make Remus feel better through any means necessary.</p><p>And that’s how they all ended up designing the best zombie survival team the world – Or at least, the Imagination – had ever seen.</p><p>Most of the zombies had pumpkins on their heads, and their weapons of choice were Nerf guns. At some point Janus got his hands on a Super Soaker, and then things <em>really </em>got interesting.</p><p>Remus and Roman fell to the ground laughing as the last of the zombies faded away. Roman rolled over and wrapped his arms around Remus, and for a moment, Remus froze.</p><p>Roman was… Hugging him?</p><p>Did that mean Roman didn’t hate him?</p><p>Remus hugged him back and barely refrained from sniffling. He snuggled into Roman’s side, and thought he would happily stay there forever.</p><p>“Are you feeling better now, Remus? Dad told me you were sad earlier.” Roman sounded so <em>concerned, </em>and Remus couldn't hold back the sniffle this time. Roman frowned, and hugged him tighter. “Bro?”</p><p>“Yeah… I’m okay now,” he said as he pulled back to wipe his eyes. He smiled at Roman, and Roman smiled back.</p><p>“I’m glad,” Roman said. “You can talk to me if you’re sad, y’know? That’s what brothers are for.”</p><p>Remus nodded. “Thanks, Ro.”</p>
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